That's right. You might want to write that down, because I know you're 14 billion years old and probably starting to forget some things.
I'll repeat it for you.
We're. Having. A. Baby.
When I was younger I envisioned that you were my enemy--you were the God of the Old Testament, or the people who believed in such things, or social conformity generally, or any kind of authority generally.
"Only the Good Die Young." "I Fight Authority, Authority Always Wins." "Running Against the Wind."
I liked to say that the goal of life isn't to win, it's to get in one good punch.
I'm not as hostile to you as I once was. Whatever remnants were left ended at fatherhood.
I still believe it's noble to run against the wind. But you can't just be against things forever. Eventually you have to be for something. Otherwise you're just an angry anarchist. Or a Republican. You have to put in the effort to find the wind that's blowing the direction you want to go, then run with it.
In any event, Universe, my primary feeling in life is no longer anger, but gratitude. I wouldn't say I'm grateful to you, because that doesn't mean anything to me. I don't think you're anthropomorphic, or intervening in the daily lives of humans, or inherently good or bad. You're just the universe. I'll even give you a capital U. You're very big. Humans are very small. Our lives are very short.
But we can be grateful without being obsequious. Or groveling. Or fearful. Or imagining that we have to wear a certain clothes or chant Latin phrases or avoid certain foods or throw virgins into volcanoes to win your favor. Blah.
I'm grateful for every day my heart still beats. Grateful for my wife, my kids, my family.
I'm gonna be a dad for the third time. Did I mention that? Look in your notes. I'm so grateful for that.
I agree with Carl Sandburg that babies are God's opinion that life should go on. Of all the things I have done or will do in my life, the most gratifying is being a father and husband.
We all start out thinking we're the center of the universe. We eventually realize that's not the case. For those who haven't realized it until that point, fatherhood is a good tipping point. Fatherhood is creating--and being responsible for--something more important than you, something you'd give up your own too-short life for.
So, Universe.
You've thrown some shit my way. No complaints. We're good.
But I gotta say, I'm stifling a teensy smile right now, because I feel like I just landed a really good punch.
Todd
