Ethan's New Word

"Literally."

Pronunciation: LIT-er-lee.

Definition: Really, Dad, I'm serious.

Usage: 6 or more times per day, to emphasize important points:

"There was this HUGE wave, it was about 10 feet high--LITERALLY."

"I haven't eaten at McDonald's in about three years--LITERALLY."

"I hate riding in rental cars. They're worse than taxi cabs. They make me throw up--LITERALLY." (Editor's note: Confirmed.)

Land of Make Believe

We decided to try a new waterpark this weekend. The choices were Camel Beach, in the Poconos; Splish Splash, in eastern Long Island; or Land of Make Believe, in western New Jersey.

Land of Make Believe won because it was the closest, cheapest, and it had amusement rides in addition to a waterpark.

It sounds kind of corny, and it is. It's one of those mom-and-pop amusement parks that started in the '50s with hayrides and a little train--and it still pretty much has that feel, although they've added a nice waterpark section.



There are no scary rides, so by definition no throngs of teenagers. The lines for the rides were relatively short.

The best attractions were the waterpark, which included tube slides, a lazy river, a pirate ship lagoon for little kids, and a water fort with tipping bucket (whoever invented that concept 10 years ago should've patented it). Samuel and Ethan also liked the Rockin' Tug, a non-waterpark ride, which was just scary enough to excite them without actually scaring them.



The worst attractions were the holdovers from the earlier days that no one apparently has the heart to kill: the candy cane forest (a bunch of plastic candy canes serving no discernable purpose), the maze (strips of an old plastic tarp), a talking scarecrow named Colonel Corn (manned by a 16-year-old hiding somewhere in a nearby building who was asking the 14-year-old girls ahead of us for their My Space pages), and Santa's Barn (aka the Enchanted Christmas Village), a windowless, mothball-smelling building with fake snow and--yes, Santa is actually there, even in July.

The biggest downer is that they make you exit the park through a bulding called the Cookie House--which doesn't sell any cookies! Duh!

Pool at Tallman State Park

When we were at Tallman State Park for the Studio School picnic in June, we went on an expedition to find the swimming pool, only to discover that it was empty.

So today the boys and I went back, via bus to Piermont, NY.

We figured we'd have the place to ourselves because it's kind of off in the woods, but there were quite a few people there.

The fun lasted less than an hour before a thunder clap compelled the lifeguards to clear the pool. We barely made it the half mile back to the bus shelter when there was a torrential downpour. We made it home alive.

Kahlua is 5

Kahlua barks too much, she has a habit of sneezing in your face from one inch away, and she can't stop herself from stealing any morsel of food that's left unattended, even if it's on the table and you've warned her repeatedly NOT to get food from the table.

But these are mere personality quirks.

She loves being petted by strangers, walks to the pet store, car rides to anywhere, wrestling on the bed, and tummy rubs.

She hates thunder and being left alone in the apartment, especially when she sees us leaving with bags. She is also not particularly fond of the cat, whom she knows is evil (but doesn't know that we know it too).

She's a great dog. She may be the greatest dog in the world.

Happy birthday, Kahlua!

Summer Kids

Free advice to couples contemplating parenthood: giving birth to your kids in the summer will save you well over a quarter-million dollars over an 18-year period. While your friends take out second mortgages for winter birthday parties at Kidville, West Side Gym, and Chelsea Piers, you can bring a few bowls of chips and a cake to the playground in July.

Jennifer and I didn't know any better. I've tried persuading her to have a few more kids, based on all the money we could save, but she's not going for it.

In the meantime, some photos from Samuel's friend Leah's mummy-themed party.



"I can touch!"


The Human Water Taxi...


Aaron is happy...


Playground cards...


Playground Moms...


Birthday Girl...

Philadelphia Trip, Day 3

As official family spokesperson in charge of adolescent fun, I was able to negotiate a compromise in which, rather than physically stop to see the Liberty Bell, we simply drove by it in a modified amphibious military vehicle while quacking with plastic duck lips.

The vehicles were known as DUCKs, by virtue of some military acronymn that didn't really make sense (e.g., the letter "D" stood for the fact that they were commissioned in 1942...huh?). Nonetheless, this enabled it to count as an historical attraction.

Finally, on the way back to NYC we made time for one more historical experience, known as Medieval Times. Everyone should experience Medieval Times at least once: there are horses and knights and jousting and swordfights and a king and a queen (she may have been a princess--the storyline was a little hard to follow).


More disturbing were the groups of boisterous grown-ups with no kids in tow, who were either celebrating birthdays or there on some sort of corporate outing. (Note: never work for a company that has corporate outings at Medieval Times.)


The dramatic climax...

Philadelphia Trip, Day 2

As we crossed the bridge from New Jersey into Pennsylvania, I said, "Woo-hoo! We're in Pennsylvania!"

To which Ethan replied, "Is this where Dracula lives?"

We spent the day at the Ben Franklin Institute, a hands-on children's museum. Again, you can see the compromises that make for a successful marriage. (It turned out to be fun.)

The IMAX theater had a domed ceiling like a planetarium. We watched a documentary about the preciousness of water in the American Southwest, narrated by--seriously--Robert Redford.


The pirate exhibit conveniently exited through a gift shop...


Samuel learns about the science of surfing...


Science is hard work...


Hotel beds were made for jumping...