Study finds that people who are depressed eat more chocolate

Scientists from the University of California reported that men and women who suffer from depression tend to eat more chocolate than others, consuming an average 8 servings of chocolate per month versus 5 for those not feeling depressed.

Researchers, however, noted one troubling outlier in the data: an unidentified man on Manhattan's Upper West Side who consumed more than 75 servings of chocolate per month, and was quite happy.

If you give a boy a cell phone...

He will take a picture like this and send it to you.

DeLorean weekend

We rolled out of town on Friday evening, dinner at Taco Bell somewhere in Jersey, at our hotel by 10:30. Saturday morning we were at the PepBoys in suburban Philly for the DeLorean Mid-Atlantic Club's spring social event. 20 DeLoreans, 1 happy Samuel.

Jennifer was happy to go shopping by herself at Target all morning. (She joined us at lunch.)

Ethan got the prize for patience; he mostly rode his Heelies around the parking lot, stopping every every five minutes to ask, "How much longer?"

And I was calculating in my head on the drive home how we could make this DeLorean thing work. Could we rent a garage in NJ? When would we ever actually drive it? How much is insurance? Be afraid, Jennifer. Be very afraid.

Talk radio

Just got back from a business trip to California. Here is what I learned while driving in my rental car:

1. Government has its hand in my back pocket.

2. Obama may not even be a real American.

3. America may have to split up into small regional republics to survive.

4. People who believe in evolution are ignoring basic principles of science, but liberal educators don't want you to know about that.

5. A flat tax system would pretty much fix everything. Oh--except for illegal aliens.

Man, running out of money sure puts people in a pissy mood.

Good to be back home among the liberal elites of the Upper West Side.

Hoverboard

Samuel is hard at work this weekend on his hoverboard. We went to the lumber store today and got plywood for the base, a duct to direct the air from the leaf blower through the bottom of the board, and plastic liner to inflate and lift it.



Will it work? Stay tuned.

Ethan's career

Todd: Do you have a job at school?

Ethan: No, but I have a career.

Todd: What's your career?

Ethan: I'm an artist. I'm Emily's personal artist.

Todd: Does that mean she pays you to draw pictures?

Ethan: Uh-huh. For the good pictures she gives me two cents. For the bad pictures she gives me one cent.

How to eat 3 donuts without even trying

1. Come home from work and see the box of donuts that your spouse has purchased and left in plain sight.

2. Look at them and think, "Ooh, I'll have a little bite before dinner." Eat half a chocolate donut.

3. Come back in the kitchen a couple minutes later--dinner's not quite ready--and nibble another quarter. Decide to save the other quarter for after dinner.

4. After dinner, decide to have HALF a donut for dessert, calculating (correctly) that eating only a quarter donut will only make you hungrier. Eat half of a new one, leaving the remaining quarter of the first one.

5. Immediately eat the remaining quarter of the original donut, because it's practically a crumb, and, you know, why not?

6. Think, "Man. Those chocolate donuts are GOOD. Why doesn't Jennifer buy them more often?"

7. Figure that no one else will really want to eat the half of the second donut that you've left. It's like leaving half a slice of pizza. Eat that too.

8. Figure, "What the heck, life is short" and scarf down the third one really fast.

9. As you're popping the last bite into your mouth, realize that you should've given your youngest son one little bite so that when your spouse says, "Hey, who ate all the chocolate donuts?" you could've said, "Me and Ethan" and not be lying. Darn.

10. Feel a little guilty and hope your spouse doesn't read your blog.