Things I appreciate on a long weekend

I'm thankful for Brother Jimmy's BBQ, and conversations about life and love and nothing in particular. I'm thankful that he confides in me, tells me his dreams, hangs on my shoulder now and then, asks my advice.

I'm thankful for the sound of the buzzer at 10pm and I know that Samuel is home. I'm thankful that he still falls asleep in my bed sometimes, that he still finds that comforting after all these years. He can crawl into my bed and fall asleep when he's 45 and I won't mind.

I'm thankful for warm weather, long hikes, tired muscles.

I'm thankful for cold mountain streams that you dip your shirt in and put it back on and it gives you a cold, refreshing shiver like it's still summertime. 

I'm thankful for new adventures, new friendships.

I'm thankful for cold beer, sleepy train rides, a soft smile. I'm thankful that my heart still beats.

I'm thankful for Central Park. I'm thankful to be able to run--in solitude, to ponder, to work through things. I don't even care how fast my legs go. Okay, I'm thankful that I can still blow past the slowpokes, even when my knees are sore from hiking the day before.

I'm thankful for corn dogs at midnight, the sensation of thwacking a ball with a metal stick, and for this wonderful city that never sleeps.

I'm thankful for these boys that I love more than anything in the world. 

I still hurt. Deeply. So deeply that I can't even describe it, just a pit of emptiness, like there has been a rift in the space-time continuum and I've suddenly been dropped into an alternate universe where everything is the same and yet completely different. And Biff is president.

But there is much to be thankful for, and I'm not gonna piss it away. I'm gonna embrace it and be thankful.