Tarpley Holiday Photo 2007

He-he-he. I'm so excited. It's time to shoot our annual holiday photo. I got the first costumes and props in the mail today from my eBay purchases. Still waiting on two wigs. I'm being a little ambitious with the Photoshop this year, but every year I grow a little more emboldened.

Here's a hint:

What do Richard Dawson, Eva Gabor, Charles Nelson Reilly, and Paul Williams have in common?

Dancing With the Stars

Thanksgiving in New Jersey. As always, a family video. This year it was a "Dancing With the Stars" parody. As always, it was just off-color enough to get someone fired or blacklisted from future political office. Damned Internet.

Here's the only scene I can show you. Otherwise I will not be able to run for that Senate seat I've been coveting.

Ice Skating in Bryant Park

It was Jennifer's idea, and a good one. No snowflakes, but the unmistakable first feel of winter, with crisp November air. A girl from Samuel's class and her sister and mom joined us, as well as what appeared to be the entire freshman class from Yeshiva High School for Girls, all in long, gray dresses. Sinatra was piped in over the loudspeakers. What could be more New York?

Mr. Magorium's Vomitorium

We went to see Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium last night. Not since Thomas the Tank Engine and the Magic Railroad have I been so anxious for a movie to end. Samuel and Ethan both liked it, which I suppose is a victory. But they represent a pretty low bar to clear, frankly.

(When the movie ended, Samuel started clapping tentatively. There was silence throughout the rest of the theater. Victim of a slow clap that never catches on, he stopped after a few seconds.)

This was the cinematic equivalent of Britney at the VMAs. I kept hoping Natalie Portman would at least take her shirt off.

Not even.

Candy

I've eaten almost all of the boys' remaining Halloween candy. They have short attention spans and haven't checked their candy bags in a week. I'm wondering if they will ever notice, or if Halloween has already faded into their memory, and I will successfully have pulled off the greatest heist of all time.

Happy Halloween

I've Outlived Elvis

Holy cow
I’m 45
Am I the oldest
Man alive?

I’ve outlived Elvis
Yeah, that’s cool
I’ve not yet died
On a toilet stool

I’ve outlived Lennon
So I’m told
I always thought
He seemed so old

I’ve outlived Tupac
Sorry, buster
Bruce Lee, Sam Cooke,
General Custer

Karen Carpenter
Marilyn Monroe
Mama Cass Elliot
Anna Nicole

Clemente, Roberto
Gehrig, Lou
Kennedy, John F. Junior—
True!

Buddy Holly?
He was nice
But by my age
He’d been dead twice

John Belushi
Malcolm X
Crocodile Hunter
(Stingray hex?)

Bobby Darin!
Princess Di!
Jesus Christ!
How old am I?

Ritchie Valens
And James Dean
Combined would still
Not reach my mean

They made their marks
But don’t forget
They’re all quite dead
And I’m not yet

Getting old?
Yeah, it’s a pain
But still beats
Being Kurt Cobain