Saturday, February 26, 2011

Why the downfall of teen blogging is good for America

Apparently teens are doing less blogging and more short posting on social media sites.


For starters, 93.7% of teens can't read or write. Twitter requires no punctuation or grammar, and you don't even have to spell long words like "are" and "you."

Second, no one was reading their blogs anyway. The average blog generates less than 1 visitor per month. Not even the self-absorbed person who writes it bothers to read it. For blogs written by teens, the figure is probably a negative number.

And--here's the kicker--with Facebook and Twitter, you can write, like, a zillion posts in a few minutes...LOL this, BFF that. Giving teens the illusion that they're actually accomplishing something is exactly what they need to boost their self-esteem so they'll feel good about themselves as they fail in life.

go teens u r gr8!!!

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Practice Babies

So you used to be able to borrow babies. How cool is that?

I could've been in charge of playing catch-the-ball and make-the-baby-laugh, and then I could hand it off to someone else whenever it needed to be changed or woke up crying in the middle of the night.

Come to think of it, Jennifer would probably say that's called "fatherhood."

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Highlights of the Weekend

One of the dogs got up on the dining table and stole Jennifer's chocolate cake. Jennifer wasn't sure if it was Bailey or Kahlua, so she gave them both peroxide to make them throw up. They both did. It was Bailey.

On the positive side:

The boys got to spend some of their Christmas money at ToysRUs.

The Hawkeyes beat Minnesota in NCAA wrestling.

We avoided a thousand-dollar vet bill by virtue of the dogs vomiting up Jennifer's chocolate cake. I hate to qualify anything about that ordeal as a positive, but there you go.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

High winds fell National Christmas Tree

Yes, it's unfortunate.

But, jeeze, it's almost March. How much longer did they plan to keep the darn thing up anyway?

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Storytime Kisses

A shout-out to Ms. Hegna's Storyroom, which featured "How About a Kiss for Me?" among its Valentine's Week kisses-themed books. According to the real-life Ms. Hegna (a children's librarian), it was a great read-aloud--"the kids were screaming with laughter the whole way through. It was a big hit!"


This is ten times better than being a rock star.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

We have a teenager

If Samuel had inherited the worst traits of his father he would be a rebellious, insecure, self-absorbed loser.

Fortunately, he invented time travel, which allowed him to go back in time and convince Jennifer to break up with Charlie Sheen and marry me instead.

The result? A wonderful boy with a big heart to match his big brown eyes.

Happy birthday, my sweetheart. There is nothing better in the whole world than being your dad.

Roll tape.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Not sure the boys are getting enough sleep

This morning while getting ready for school, Ethan fell asleep with his toothbrush in his mouth.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

My Breakfast With Ethan

What's on Ethan's mind lately:

"I think there should be a restaurant called Area 51. It would have space aliens and be all weird. It would kinda be like Mars 2112, but, like, if they had a spaceship ride, it would actually work."

"At first I liked geometry because the first week all I had to do was draw lines. But now it's getting harder because they have word things like 'line segments.'"

"For my birthday party the theme will be Ethan Dolls. You make them out of popsicle sticks, and you can dress them with clothes that you buy with Ethan Dollars. You can also make Ethan Doll sleeping bags."