Friday, January 30, 2015

30 Days of Rhyme: Day 30 - The Ninjas 'fore Christmas, pt. 4

All of a sudden there came a loud crash
A boom and a bang, a screech and a smash.
"What was that?" shouted Fin from up high in the tree.
"Something crash landed!" yelled Baxter. "Let's see!"

They saw two straight tracks leading into the snow.
Then they heard the faint sound of a soft "Ho, ho, ho."
"Dig!" shouted Baxter. "Go faster!" cried Blinky.
"Brrrrppp!" bellowed Burpy. "Stop belching!" yelled Stinky.

They dug and they dug 'til their fingers were raw.
When they finished they couldn't believe what they saw:
Eight tiny reindeer attached to a sled!
And there at the reins was a man dressed in red!

Thursday, January 29, 2015

30 Days of Rhyme: Day 29 - The Ninjas 'fore Christmas, pt. 3

Just at that moment, up high on the hill
Nine little ninjas sat perfectly still.
There was Baxter and Bixler and Burpy and Blinky,
Ethan and Ella and Slurpy and Stinky.

And up in the tree was a ninja named Fin
Whose nose had turned cold from the cold winter wind.
They crouched 'neath the moon in the fresh-fallen snow
And peered at the enemy village below.

"You have to remind me of something," said Fin.
"Why don't we like them? Please tell me again."
"Because," whispered Ella, "as everyone knows,
Pirates and ninjas have always been foes."

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

30 Days of Rhyme: Day 28 - We Survived

We survived the blizzard, you should know
There must have been an inch of snow

They shut down subways, buses, cars
City streets resembled Mars

Major crisis, fear and worry
All for what? A little flurry

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

30 Days of Rhyme: Day 27 - Mrs. McLuna

Mrs. McLuna
went to Laguna
to catch her cat Lucky
a ninety-pound tuna

But when they set sail
they were hit by a gale
and Lucky was lunch
for a large killer whale

Monday, January 26, 2015

30 Days of Rhyme: Day 26 - Snow Day?

A snow day tomorrow is likely
Should I stay up tonight until 2?
My friends are all texting me asking
And I'm wondering what I should do

We want to make g-mods in Minecraft
And post Instgram pics of the squall
Then make asinine comments on YouTube
And Skype with my friend in Nepal

But what if tomorrow's a school day?
Call it a stroke of bad luck
Then I'd have to get up in the morning 
And that would, like, totally suck

(P.S. Ethan stayed up until 2. And it is a snow day.)

Sunday, January 25, 2015

30 Days of Rhyme: Day 25 - Manuscript Rhymes

Nothing rhymes with manuscript
Not penmanship nor pirate ship

'Cause if it did I'd make a rhyme
About the way I'm spending time
Revising one this very weekend
And it's left my brain cells weakened

My mind has slipped, my will is whipped
'Cause nothing rhymes with manuscript

Saturday, January 24, 2015

30 Days of Rhyme: Day 24 - Iowa wins

What was that score? 38-3.
Iowa: dominant. Northwestern: wee.

149 was the match of the night:
The defending champ was defensive, all right.

We took him to overtime, continued to pester'm
Rode him to victory; sorry, Northwestern.

Friday, January 23, 2015

30 Days of Rhyme: Day 23 - The Ninjas 'fore Christmas, pt. 2

"Perhaps a new eye patch, a sword or a hook.
Perhaps a new pirate ship coloring book.
Or maybe some snowballs to throw at a ninja.
You know Santa'd never forget us, now didn'ja?"

The wee pirate hunkered down deep in his cot.
He struggled to keep his eyes closed but could not.
He turned to his papa and lifted his head.
"Why do we hate them?" the wee pirate said.

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

30 Days of Rhyme: Day 21 - Seuss isn't Seuss

So about that cute picture that Dr. Seuss drew
Well, maybe he did, but some say it ain't true
It would take a good artist two minutes to forge
And at two thousand bucks, that's a pretty good gorge

It has a certificate saying it's real
But apparently that company's not the real deal
They've been banished from eBay--that's not a good sign
For hawking too many fake autographs--swine!

And why would Seuss doodle a Cat in the Hat
Then sign it, but not write "To Mike" or "To Pat"?
Unless he was cranking them out just to sell 'em
But that makes no sense, no, that wouldn't compel him

So I think the Seuss picture is basically trash
But I'm willing to buy it with counterfeit cash

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

30 Days of Rhyme: Day 20 - The Ninjas 'fore Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the village
Not a pirate was stirring to plunder nor pillage
Each tiny black cottage was battened down tight
To keep out the snow on the harsh winter night

"Is Santa here yet? Is he coming tonight?"
"Blimey!" cried Papa, "he's coming all right!
But ye must close yer eyes and not make any noise
Then Santa will bring us all presents and toys

Monday, January 19, 2015

30 Days of Rhyme: Day 19 - Decent Weekend

Decent weekend, all in all
Nothing major I recall

Helped the boys with stuff for school
Watched the Iowa Wrestling dual

Slogged my way through a winter run
Finally got some writing done

And then despite the crappy weather
Hi-Life dinner, all together

Sunday, January 18, 2015

30 Days of Rhyme: Day 18 - Choo Choo, pt. 3

"What if we're not fast enough?
Strong enough or tough enough?
Will you still be there for us
And will we still be loved?"

"I'll be with you even then
No matter where, no matter when
I'll love you when you're tired or scared
Or when your engines need repaired
Around the world and back again!
I will love you even then!"

(Ha. Take that, rhyme.)

Saturday, January 17, 2015

30 Days of Rhyme: Day 17 - Choo Choo, pt. 2

Three little train cars 'round the track
Circle once and circle back
The route is short, the cargo light
Their engineer within their sight

But little train cars quickly grow
"This little track is way too slow!
We want to cross the distant plains!
We want to be like grown-up trains!"

And so the engineer agreed
to let them test their skill and speed
He gave the cars a short salute
"Yes, you may take the big-train route!"

(I know. Whew. Sometimes the rhymes work with you, sometimes they fight you. This one is putting up a very good fight.)

Friday, January 16, 2015

30 Days of Rhyme: Day 16 - Halfway Done

Hey, I'm over halfway done
With thirty days of rhyming fun
Is it really fun? Well, kinda
Let it serve as a reminda

If all the angry nuts out there
Who shoot off guns while shouting prayers
Might instead just take the time
To take a breath and write a rhyme

The world would be a better place
A bit more light, a bit more grace 

Thursday, January 15, 2015

30 Days of Rhyme: Day 15 - I Want Seuss

If I had two thousand bills 
I would buy this just for thrills.
For if you haven't yet deduced
It's drawn and signed by Dr. Seuss.

Ethan asked me why I want it.
I said I'd like to gaze upon it.
Inspiration. Admiration.
Aspiration. Affirmation.

Sadly, there are bills to pay
So I'm not buying Seuss today.


The Cat in the Hat.
How cool is that?

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

30 Days of Rhyme: Day 14 - The Clutter Poem

Laundry stacked upon the chair
T-shirts, jeans and underwear
Should be folded, put away
But we have no time today

Laundry shouldn't cause distress
But early signs of hoarding? Yes
Clutter filling up our home
As I sit and write this poem

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

30 Days of Rhyme: Day 13 - I Painted the Trim!

The painted trim looked so darn nice
That I decided I'd paint twice
And so I touched up all the walls
In the foyer and the halls

Covering all the ugly blotches
Dog-fur stains and teenage splotches
Brushes stroking, roller gliding
Procrastinating from my writing

Now I'm done; it looks okay
No one noticed anyway
And now it's late, my butt is sore
I'll walk the dogs and write some more

Monday, January 12, 2015

30 Days of Rhyme: Day 12 - I Touched Up the Paint!

I touched up the paint
I touched up the paint
You'd think the apartment is done
but it ain't

I only touched up
the white paint on the doors
then cleaned up the droplets
that got on the floors

Now the doors look okay
but the walls have dirt on them
down near the baseboards
where dogs rub along them

Jennifer says that
she'll re-paint the rest
But I doubt if she will--
she's already too stressed

Sunday, January 11, 2015

30 Days of Rhyme: Day 11 - No More Ninjas!

No more ninjas! No more ninjas!
Think you heard me that time, didn'tja?
Ninja rhymes can be all right
Unless that's all you ever write!

Write a rhyme about a truck!
A choo-choo train, a brainy duck!
A little prince, a big red dog!
A superhero robot frog!

But PLEASE don't write about a ninja
Or I'll have to just un-friend ya
Promise me, if it's within ya
Do not write about a ninja!

Saturday, January 10, 2015

30 Days of Rhyme: Day 10 - Day 10 Rhyme

If you had 30 rhymes to make
and 30 days to do it
I'd understand if on day 10
you simply said oh screw it

It's hard to make up things that rhyme
with metered pace and flow
And even when you do, by God,
there's 20 more to go

Friday, January 9, 2015

30 Days of Rhyme: Day 9 - Night-Night Ninja, pt. 5

Night-night, my brave ninja
It’s been quite a day
You hacked through a jungle
That stood in your way

You crawled through a briar patch
Slid down a slide
‘til finally by moonlight
You came back inside

Thursday, January 8, 2015

30 Days of Rhyme: Day 8 - Night-Night Ninja, pt. 4

Tomorrow you’ll wake up
before the sun rises
Bigger and stronger
And full of surprises

You’re growing so quickly
In so many ways
It’s hard to buy clothes
For a ninja these days

Night-night, my strong ninja
Sweet dreams and sleep tight
Stay fearless
And don’t let the Samurais bite

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

30 Days of Rhyme: Day 7 - Naughty Ninja, pt. 2

Naughty Ninja tried to hide
He dug a hole and crawled inside
He tunneled underneath the yard
He hid beneath a Saint Bernard

But when he peeked out from a shrub?
Naughty Ninja? In the tub!

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

30 Days of Rhyme: Day 6 - Night-Night Ninja, pt. 3

You flew in a zeppelin
You paddled a boat
You walked across crocodiles
Guarding a moat

You practiced Karate
You practiced Jujitsu
You rescued a princess
Who wanted to kiss you

You rescued your grandma
Who hugged you and kissed you

Monday, January 5, 2015

30 Days of Rhyme: Day 5 - Night-Night Ninja, pt. 2

Night-night, Ninja
It’s been quite a day
You battled ten dragons
That wandered your way

You scaled fifteen mountains
You swam twenty seas
You forded six rivers
You climbed thirty trees

Sunday, January 4, 2015

30 Days of Rhyme: Day 4 - Night-Night Ninja

You crossed a wide desert
You tamed a mad lion
You tiptoed 'cross rooftops
Without even tryin'

You crawled through a briar patch
Slid down a slide
Even rode on ninja-themed
Carnival ride

Saturday, January 3, 2015

30 Days of Rhyme: Day 3 - Choo! Choo!

Three little train cars on the loose
Freighty, Boxy, Baby Boose
Up the hill, around the bend
Through the tunnel, back again

Friday, January 2, 2015

30 Days of Rhyme: Day 2 - Naughty Ninja

Naughty Ninja rolled in mud
He crawled through twenty miles of crud
He splashed in puddles, jumped in leaves
He smeared live earthworms on his sleeves

A sudden shadow blocked his path
Naughty Ninja? Time for bath!

Thursday, January 1, 2015

New Year! New Font! New Rhymes!

My New Year's Resolution is to change my blog font size from "Normal" to "Large."

Done. Whew, that was a tough one.

My second New Year's Resolution is to finish all these @#$% children's book manuscripts that I need to finish. I'm cursing my lack of productivity, not children's books or children, per se. I mostly like both of those things.

My third New Year's Resolution is to write something that rhymes...every day in January. A little bit for the sake of sparking creativity. Mostly to procrastinate.

Day 1:
Mr. McSmelly
went to the deli
to buy his dog Seymour
a bagel with jelly

But when they returned
they suddenly learned
the jelly was bad
and the bagel was burned

Back to the deli
went Mr. McSmelly
with whimpering Seymour
still rubbing his belly