Monday, July 29, 2019

Practicality is overrated


If practicality were the most important thing in the world, you'd have been a podiatrist. You'd live in a small town in South Dakota in a post-war ranch house, preferably single-level, with a 2-year-old Kia in the driveway with 12 months left on the warranty. You'd have no kids (not worth the money), no pets (not worth the hassle), no antiques (you can get a perfectly nice lamp from Menards in Sioux Falls and you don't have to worry about bumping into it with your TV tray).

You'd never live in New York City (crowded and filthy), certainly not in Manhattan (overpriced), and God forbid in a pre-war apartment (do you have any idea how much energy those high ceilings waste?).

You certainly wouldn't work in media (unstable) or write children's books (no money, no future).

And if, on a misguided whim, you ever decided to renovate your kitchen, you'd never choose marble countertops. Ever. Marble is too soft and porous. Everyone agrees. It scratches too easily. It chips too easily. It stains too easily. It doesn't matter that every time you and your wife walk into a kitchen showroom and gasp at the island countertop and say, "What's that?" they always reply, "That's marble. But you don't want that. Come look at this quartzite. It's more practical."



You suspect that if Michelangelo were alive today, he'd be advised to sculpt with quartzite. He'd be told that that the Menards in Sioux Falls sometimes has clearance sales.

But, alas, you are not practical. You are fortunate to have a wonderful wife who loves you anyway. She said you can make the decision about the countertops. He-he. Dangerous. Like giving fireworks to an 8-year-old boy.

As soon as you recover financially you are going to take her to Paris. You will take her to the top of the Eiffel Tower, and you will tell her how much you love her, and you will kiss under the Parisian full moon, and you will both smile because you are in love and you have marble countertops like everyone in Paris. And to hell with all the podiatrists in Sioux Falls who think you're nuts.


Sunday, July 7, 2019

First-world problems

This morning at brunch Jo and I were discussing whether our kitchen renovation is going to come in on budget, and whether having marble counter tops is going to make us stressed out all the time, and whether we should go with the Bosch or the Bertozzini appliances.

Is Ethan going to like college? What is Sam going to do when he graduates?

I need to sell another picture book manuscript.

And I need a new media gig.

And my feet are sore from running in the park yesterday.

And some a-hole stole a couple of the solar landscape lights we just installed.

And look at those cute babies; we need one.







How nice it is, for however long this bliss lasts, that these are the biggest problems in our lives.