Spring Cleaning

Tarpley's Law of Thermodynamics:

The introduction of an object into an apartment of fixed square footage requires the simultaneous removal of an object of equal mass. Otherwise apartment will eventually resemble that of crazy Aunt Harriet, who passed away at 90, leaving an estate of $159 in pennies, $713 worth of candles, and 1,236 rolls of toilet paper.

Jennifer excels at introducing new objects into the apartment. So while she is in Illinois this weekend for her nephew's graduation, it's up to me to make sure the universe gets back into whack by paring down our inventory.

Here is a partial list of items removed so far:

- Spider-Man Hover Disc with a hole in it.
- Bob the Builder play tent.
- 10 pounds of assorted bed sheets and bath linens, circa 1990-95.
- 8 pounds of size 3 & 4 kids shirts, shorts, pants, and pajamas, including a pair of size-3 shorts with the tags still attached. (Ethan is 6.)
- Assorted half-used tubes of toothpaste, shampoo, teeth whitener.
- 10 tiny pieces of 10 unknown toys, from unknown time period.

Guest Blog by Samuel Tarpley

Today me and Dad went to Chelsea Piers while Mom and Ethan went to a birthday party. We went to the bowling alley arcade to win a Wii system (which Dad says looks like WWII, and he says it in the voice of the Grampa from Rugrats).

We didn't win the Wii, so then we decided to play golf instead.

I learned something from all this. Bacon tastes really good with orange soda.

Softball, Week 2

We got beat last night by "High Times" magazine, 11-4. How humiliating is that, to get your ass kicked by a bunch of stoners?

Dude, the lacing on that glove is, like, so amazing.

I went 0 for 2 at the plate, pulled muscles on both sides of my groin, am having trouble walking. Any worse and I could be a starter for the Yankees.

Mother's Day

Dinner at Fred's Saturday night. Jen's request--to "beat the Sunday rush." Always the practical one.


The food is just okay--but you can't not like a place with pictures of dogs all over the walls.

Sunday morning Samuel tiptoed in and woke me up at 7:45--part of our prearranged plan. He and I snuck out to Columbus Bakery with Kahlua and brought back breakfast in bed for Jen.

Softball

I played a friendly game of slow-pitch softball--softball!--on Thursday for the first time in 20 years. Here are all the muscles that still hurt on Saturday afternoon:

My hamstrings.

The place where my hamstrings connect to my butt.

The outside of my thighs.

The inside of my thighs.

The place right above my knee where the quad connects.

My right shoulder (throwing arm).

My middle back.

Please swear you will not tell anyone.

Coney Island Birthday Party

I accompanied Ethan to his classmate Adelaide's birthday party on Coney Island on Sunday. We rode the subway with eight other kids.

We ate hot dogs at Nathan's, then walked along the boardwalk to the Aquarium, where the party was held.



They got to see the shark tank from the top (rather than through the glass on the sides, like the general public).

I rode the Cyclone twice with Adelaide's dad Nick, who lost his keys on the ride.

Then we met back up with the group in Astroland, where the girls rode the Tilt-a-Wirl while the two macho boys rode the boats.

Separated at Birth?

Revelation: George Bush is Biff from "Back to the Future."