5 Things I'd Do Over for 2009

I'm not yet ready to make New Year's resolutions, but I'll start with things I'd do differently in 2009:

1. I would've eaten about a hundred fewer candy bars. Yeah, they were good at the time, but my metabolism ain't what it once was.

2. I would've hired a real locksmith to install the hardware on the front door.

3. Before we got Bailey, I would've asked the breeder about any family history of medical problems such as cherry eye that might result in $1,200 surgery. For each eye.

4. I would've stretched a little more before attempting to run really fast to first base in the first softball game of the season.

5. It probably wasn't the best year, economically, to buy that blueprint of Elvis' Graceland racquetball building. But...you know, I'd probably do it again anyway.

And, okay, I would've still eaten the candy bars too.

Christmas with my family

Thanksgiving is the official holiday for giving thanks, but Christmas should be added to the list. The trick is separating all the hecticness of planning and gift buying and packing and pet-care arranging and traveling and all that other stuff that threatens to overwhelm you, from the simple realization that this is your life and these people you're hugging and laughing with are the people you love and who love you. And that's pretty much what this whole thing is about, isn't it?








Happy holidays.

Penguin Summer Catalog

There is a scene in the movie, "The Jerk," where Steve Martin runs around all excited because he has discovered that his name is in the phone book.


Well, I'm kinda feeling that way now, because The Penguin Young Readers Group summer catalog is out this week, and I'm on page 60, sandwiched between a teen vampire series and a young adult novel about a girl who goes blind. Yikes. Apparently "How About a Kiss For Me?" is among the softer, less angst-ridden of Penguin's summer releases.

I'm sure the thrill will wear off eventually, but for now I'm going to milk it for all it's worth.

Breaking News: Ethan no longer likes garlic knots

Ethan Tarpley released the following statement this evening:

"Uh-oh. My taste buds changed again. They change every six months. Now the taste of garlic knots just doesn't excite me anymore.

"The same thing happened with popcorn chicken a few months ago. I really hope it doesn't happen with macaroni. Because that's my all-time favorite food, and then I wouldn't like anything at all."

If I had all the money in the world, by Ethan Tarpley

I would fix up Mars 2112, because it doesn't look so good anymore.

I would buy Dad out of his job so he doesn't have to work anymore and he could just write books and go for runs.

I would buy a DeLorean time machine for Samuel.

I would go to Funplex.

I would buy a playground.

I would buy myself out of school.

I would buy the police and the president so that I would be able to get out of school.

I would buy Mom out of work just part of the time, because she kind of likes it.

Yes, Virginia

The boys had a school event this weekened commemorating Virginia O'Hanlon's 1897 letter to the New York Sun asking if there is a Santa Claus. Virginia lived in the brownstone on West 95th Street that is now the boys' school.

Samuel was chosen to read a letter he wrote to Virginia.



Ethan says he was NOT satisfied by the New York Sun's poignant but obtuse response ("Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies!").

"That would make me believe LESS in Santa Claus," says Ethan. "It reminds me of what my teacher always says when I ask him a question: 'What do YOU think?' That's what he says instead of just answering the question."