5 Great Things About Holding Someone Else's Baby for 10 Minutes

1. You get the fresh baby smell without the poopy baby smell.

2. You get a baby smile and a baby hug without baby vomit.

3. You get a sweet baby giggle without 2AM baby shrieking.

4. You can tell yourself you are the BEST CAREGIVER EVER. You're like, "Look how much this baby loves me! Quick! Take a picture before he gets snot on my sweater."

5. You can tell everyone how you'd take five or six more babies--without having to actually raise them or put them through college.




(Sigh. I'd take five or six more babies.)

"Dad, you know when astronauts release urine into space?"

"Uh-huh."

"Doesn't that take away water from our planet?"

The pegleg they call Gitche Gumee

A few nights ago Jennifer tried to trim the jungle of wild fur around Bailey's front paws, but she went too far.

That inspired me to sing him a karaoke song tonight.

Turns out the line is actually "the BIG LAKE they call Gitche Gumee."

Ah.

Does that ever happen to you?

Gordon Lightfoot - Wreck Of The Edmond Fitzgerald

Let the countdown begin

For 16 years I have been the not-shortest person in the Tarpley household. Jennifer has a half inch on me; like Tom Cruise and Michael J. Fox, shortness is part of my sex appeal. But it's going to be weird being the shortest of 4.

Samuel usurped the #2 spot AND #1 spot in the span of a few weeks sometime in 2012, and now he towers above both of us.

Now Ethan is poised to overtake me for the coveted #3 spot.

Can I hold him off until 2015? We'll see.