Back to the Funplex

I was so upset by the evil A-holes from Michigan and their sickly mongrel mutt (see previous blog entry below) that I needed a distraction. So I took Samuel, Ethan, and their friends Leila and Jenan to the Funplex in New Jersey.


Ethan got carsick, which slowed us down, but he apologized and I only docked his allowance for one week, so we were back on the road quickly.


First stop at Funplex: MagiQuest. Samuel and Ethan have their own wands.


Next, the foam balls.


A short break for nachos and Icees.




Then go-karts,


laser tag,


bumper cars,


and Freefall. (Samuel says he mastered his fear of Freefall, and now he wants to go skydiving.)




We capped off the evening with one more round of MagiQuest before the inevitable 10:55pm announcement that Funplex was closing for the night. A quick drive-thru at Taco Bell, and we were back home on our beautiful Upper West Side with full bellies and sleepy eyes by 12:15. Life should be like this every day. Except for the car sickness, Ethan says.

New dog? Not so fast

It's taken me three years to convince Jennifer that we desperately need another dog. Dogs are like bathrooms. You think you really only need one, but if you have another one, you find that you are glad that you have it.

In fact, scientists in Helsinki have proven that two dogs are actually less trouble than one: not only do they keep each other company, they also help put the kids to bed, and they even help clean the house.

But why am I trying to convince you? Jennifer already agreed, under the following conditions:

1. The dog must be a Cocker Spaniel/Cavalier King Charles Spaniel mix.

2. It must be a boy.

3. It must be black and tan.

4. It must be housebroken or old enough to be on its way to being housebroken.

5. It must be really cute, and sit on her lap when she is cold, and not bark very much.

6. Todd, Samuel, and Ethan must take care of it.

So I found a 10-week-old, black-and-tan, male Cockalier on the Internet. He's in Michigan. I sent an email to see if he's still available. They responded yes. I responded that we wanted it, and we'd pay for the airfare and the shipping crate.

And then...then...radio silence. Tumbleweeds.

They've either decided they don't want to go through the hassle of shipping him, or they think we're trying to pull some sort of Internet scam on them, or they just think people from New York are weirdos.

Whatever the reason, as of this moment, everyone from the state of Michigan is officially a loser. I hope their property values drop even further, and I'm happy GM is going bankrupt, and "Pistons" is a really stupid name for a sports team. So ha-ha.

And back to the drawing board on the new puppy.

School Play

Samuel and Ethan both played dogs in their school play. They had no lines, but they had to do things like fetch and pant and lap water.


For the big finale everyone sang "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life." Yes, they stole that from "Spamalot," but it was still good.

I tried to get quotes from them just now but they're busy watching Cartoon Network and not in the mood for interviews. In any case, they were a hit.

Drill, Sword & Shield, by Ethan Tarpley

I have a new game. It's called "Drill, Sword and Shield." I just made it up. It's just like "Rock, Paper, Scissors." Drill looks like this. (Holds up two intertwined fingers.) Sword looks like this. (Holds one finger straight up.) Shield looks like this. (Holds his palm up.)

Drill can cut through a Shield. Sword can break a Drill. And Shield can protect against a Sword.

My iPod

I listened to my iPod to and from work today. I do that occasionally, to prove to strangers that I'm cool. Assuming you think Billy Joel, ELO, and The Cars are cool.

Music always puts me in a good mood--it's fun to have a soundtrack to your life. Everything plays like a movie scene. Try walking down a New York street listening to "What I Like About You" by the Romantics. Titles start appearing over people's faces. Life is a montage.

I was listening to "Carol" by Chuck Berry when I turned on to our block on the way home from work. I could see Samuel in front of our apartment, skating around on the sidewalk in his Heelies with two neighbor girls. His long, John Lennon-like hair was blowing in the wind, and I decided right then and there that he doesn't have to cut it if he doesn't want to. He can grow it down to his ass if he wants to. Just seeing him happy makes me happy. Rock and roll is here to stay.

Samuel and Ethan's school play, part 1

I just dropped off Samuel and Ethan for play practice at school. They both play dogs. Ethan says he was told he could act as much like a dog as he wants but he is not allowed to steal the play.

I have a bad feeling about this.

Tour of Ethan's castle, by Ethan Tarpley

My castle is actually a combination of three castles: Imaginext, MegaBlocks, and Playmobil. I got Playmobil first, when I was maybe four.

I like Imaginext best because it has the most pieces. I got all three from different Christmases. I spent three years getting castles. Then I put them all together to make one ginormous castle.


Almost all of the figures have weapons. They fight all day. I guess they get paid to fight. That's their job. And they get to have parties at nighttime.


This guy's name is King Bravemore. And this guy's name is King Blue Silver. Sometimes I make up their names by colors.


(In character)

"Dude! That's a boat!"

"Uh-oh. I think I broke it."

"It's blowing fire."

"Let me try, dude."

"That thing is awesome!"

"What's this? Oh, no!"

"He is making a tornado with his sword. Dude! I'm drowning!"