Friday, July 31, 2009

Annoying Creative People

What's up with this stupid SyFy name change? In case you care, Sci Fi Channel is now SyFy.

I'm very annoyed by it, and I'm not sure why. If I dig deeply into my subconscious I would venture to guess that it's because:

1. It's stupid.
2. The person who thought of it is probably being hailed within the halls of NBCU as a creative genius.
3. Nobody has hailed me as a creative genius in, I don't know, weeks.
4. What the heck does SyFy mean? It's just stupid.

So just to prove that I, too, can be a creative genius when I apply a few seconds of thought to any issue, here are some other TV network name change ideas:

1. A&E becomes simply, "A." It brands the network as high quality--"A" is the highest grade you can get. Except for maybe A+. Or, in the case of eggs, AAA. But whatever.

2. Bravo becomes "Bra." It sounds vaguely sexual, which is always good. It's also one of those surfer dude phrases, as in, "Surf's up, bra." So it has cross-demographic appeal.

3. Discovery Channel becomes "'scuv." It's young and edgy, even kind of hip-hop.

4. Oxygen becomes "Gyn." Enough said. Thank you.

5. USA becomes "y." Why? Well, there's an answer right there. Y means just about anything you want it to mean, including the question "Why?" It's existential. The new tagline would be, "Because." Given NBCU's obvious predisposition toward the letter Y, this is a shoo-in.

And if you're keeping track at home, this entire re-branding exercise took me a total of...1 minute and 45 seconds...and that's only because I type slow. Please contact me with all creative genius employment opportunities. This is just the tip of my mental iceberg, my friends.

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