What's on Ethan 's mind today

What if you were on a different planet, and instead of potatoes, they had crotatoes? Like, they would look like potatoes, but they would have little, tiny crow heads sticking out of them. And when you got one you wouldn't be expecting it, and you'd go, "Aaaaggghh!"

Just adding an "ia" to a word makes it seem a lot fancier. Like, there's this show called Portlandia? It's set in Portland. But Portlandia sounds a lot fancier than just Portland.

You know, the whole idea of accordians is kind of lame.

Happy birthday, Samuel

15.

Whoa.

Everyone met at the movie theater for the Saturday morning matinee of "Warm Bodies," a zombie version of Romeo and Juliet that wasn't bad at all.

Then back to our apartment for pizza, Wii, and just hanging out. There were four new friends from Samuel's high school, one of their girlfriends (gasp), and Elyse and Lindsey from Samuel's old school. Ethan hung out with them a bit, then retreated to his laptop to play Sims 3.

It was nice to meet his new friends, all of whom seem like good kids--not a lot of thugs at the High School of Math, Science and Engineering, apparently. After thirty minutes of Wii, someone broke out the Twister, but like a slow clap that doesn't catch on, it was quickly abandoned. Then Jennifer brought out the birthday donuts, we sang, and Samuel blew out the candles.

Eventually, one by one, the guests departed. By 4pm, it was just Samuel, Lindsey, and Elise--the old gang, like nine-year-olds on a playdate.

Happy birthday, my sweet boy.

Ethanism

"Smooth jazz makes me uncomfortable."
--Ethan Tarpley

Yesterday-was-payday-so-let's-get-naked-at-the-Korean-spa day

Today was our second visit to Spa Castle in Queens. It was to celebrate Samuel's birthday, and Valentine's Day, and Jennifer's birthday back in December, and the sheer fact that it's the middle of f-ing winter and we need to keep our spirits up.

Five important tips for newbies:

1. You have to take off your shoes before you even get to the locker room--there's a pre-locker room just for shoes--and you don't get to put them on again until you're walking out the door. It's a Korean thing.

2. You have to wear a "uniform" over your swimsuit in the public areas. They are basically pajamas that were too baggy for Sumo wrestlers. At least they upgraded the colors from bright orange to gender-appropriate blue and pink. So instead of looking like prison inmates, we looked like game pieces from the game of Life. (Kids wear unisex Easter Bunny yellow.)

3. If you're easily freaked out by eating in an indoor food court where everyone is barefoot, or showering in a room the size of a basketball court filled with naked men, this is probably not the place for you.

4. You can charge stuff just by swiping your wristband, which seems like a great thing until the end of the day when you discover you've racked up an additional $83 in incremental charges for massage chair vouchers, corn dogs, banana smoothies, chocolate milk, bottled water, and waffle cones.

5. It's fun to sit in hot water in the middle of winter, and be with your friends, and see your family happy, damn it.

The "blizzard" of 2013

It was hellish, but we managed to survive by sledding with 10,000 other people in Central Park.

Kahlua and Bailey in the blizzard

Anyone Googling "Kahlua and Baileys Blizzard" hoping for a dessert drink recipe is going to be disappointed to see two dogs playing in the snow. But get over your alcoholic selves and enjoy some dog pics.

Okay, thanks for your indulgence. By the way, I think this is probably the recipe you're looking for. Let me know how it is. Now if you'll excuse me I need to go kiss a couple of dogs' faces.

Last night's run

I went for a run in Central Park last night--trying to get in one good run before the blizzard hits.

When I got to the fork in the road at 72nd St, I happened to glance to my left as I headed through the intersection, and I saw a group of five female runners heading in the same direction as me, but about twenty yards back.

I thought to myself, "Thank goodness I got to the intersection first, otherwise I'd be stuck behind them and have to run wide to get around them."

About a hundred yards later, near Tavern on the Green, I heard the "clip, clip, clip" of runners behind me. Then, "clop, clop, clop" as all five of them passed me.

Three Faces of Ethan

Skeptical.

Panicked.

Bemused.

Ethanism

"Dogs make more use of things. They eat something, they throw it up, and they eat it again."