Monday, August 26, 2019

The worst Beatles lyrics of all time


Even the best band of all time wasn't perfect. Here are some of their weaker lyrical compositions.

#5: Here, There, and Everywhere
It's a near-perfect melody by Paul. But the lyrics are a mess. Where to begin? How about:

To lead a better life, I need my love to be here.

It's like Paul wrote it when he was high, and thought, "This is so profound, man," but afterwards he never bothered to read it again.

Here, making each day of the year
Changing my life with the wave of her hand
Nobody can deny that there's something there.

For starters, "there" doesn't rhyme with "year." And it's not like either line was so good that you had to force a rhyme to fit it. What does "making each day of the year" even mean? 

In verse 2, "someone is speaking, but she doesn't know he's there." How does he know this? And why is he introducing another character for no apparent reason?

Eek, now the chorus:

I want her everywhere and if she's beside me
I know I need never care
But to love her is to need her everywhere

I have no idea what that pile of vomit means.

Knowing that love is to share
Each one believing that love never dies
Watching her eyes and hoping I'm always there.

I get that he can't say "both of us believing" because the meter doesn't fit. But "each one believing" changes the POV from first-person to third. He could've said "Both of us knowing," for example.

The shame is that the melody is so good, and it deserves better lyrics. It's like every Elton John song ever. Moving on.

#4: Glass Onion
This is a self-referential song from the White Album whose meaningless lyrics, per John, are simply intended to confuse fans who seemed to find hidden meaning in everything.

Standing on the cast iron shore, yeah
Lady Madonna trying to make ends meet, yeah
Looking through a glass onion

It's not horrible. It's just...hey, everybody phones it in now and then.

#3: Run For Your Life
It's not that the lyrics are poorly written--they're just frighteningly violent. They begin like this:

Well, I'd rather see you dead little girl
Than to be with another man
You better keep your head little girl
Or you won't know where I am

And the rest of the song continues on that theme. Lest you think it's just a figure of speech, John assures us:

Let this be a sermon
I mean everything I've said
Baby, I'm determined
And I'd rather see you dead

John later said it was his least favorite Beatles song and the one he most regretted writing. But, alas, he did, and so it must go on the list.

#2: I Want You (She's So Heavy)
This is essentially an instrumental with some random verbal crap tossed in...

I want you
I want you so bad
I want you
I want you so bad, it's driving me mad
It's driving me mad
I want you
I want you so bad
I want you
I want you so bad, it's driving me mad
It's driving me...

Enough said.

Drum roll, please.

#1: Why Don't We Do It in the Road?
Just two lines of lyrics, both of them stupid:

Why don't we do it in the road?
Why don't we do it in the road?
Why don't we do it in the road?
Why don't we do it in the road?
No one will be watching us
Why don't we do it in the road?

Paul was inspired by seeing two monkeys doing it in the road in India, and apparently decided to spend eight seconds writing a song about it. This was the unfortunate result.

Honorable Mention:

Love Me Do: Not much to it, but even at only a few lines it's more than three times the length of Why Don't We Do It in the Road and I Want You.

Your Mother Should Know: A bouncy tune by Paul with lyrics that make no sense. Why should your mother know about a song that was a hit before she was even born, regardless of how old she is?

Okay, that's it. Let's go listen to some Beatles music and be happy.

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