Who I wanted to be

I wanted to be Jim Henson. I admired his creativity, his silliness, and how he leveraged those into television shows that touched millions of people. 

I wanted to be Woody Allen. I admired the fact that he wrote, directed, and starred in a new movie every year. I liked his self-deprecating, absurdist humor. I liked that his movies were small and personal and about human relationships rather than gun battles, UFOs, and explosions.

I wanted to be Steven Spielberg. I admired the fact that he directed BIG movies, often with gun battles, UFOs, and explosions--but always ultimately about human beings.

I wanted to be Chevy Chase. I admired the fact that he was a TV comedy writer, and a performer, and--at least in those first seasons of SNL--he embodied coolness.

I wanted to be Dr. Seuss--albeit a younger version, with cooler glasses and a T-shirt instead of a bow tie. I loved how he could rhyme and draw in a style like no one else. The Sneetches and Other Stories was my favorite book as a kid.

What happened between then and now goes something like this:

I went to NYU film school. I was an intern for Late Night With David Letterman. I worked as a production assistant for The Dick Cavett Show and Lifetime Network.

But being a production assistant sucked. It wasn't like being Steven Spielberg. It was answering phones, hauling props--the antithesis of creative fulfillment.

At age 24 I made myself a deal. I'd work a few extra years at the end of my life, when I was too old to do anything fun. In the meantime I'd move to Iowa to train with Dan Gable and the Iowa Wrestling team. I'd run and wrestle and sweat and lose and win and celebrate with teammates and tube down the Iowa River and kiss pretty girls. And I'd keep doing it until I placed at the national freestyle wrestling championships.

It was crazy, but it worked. I'm so glad I did it.

During my final year at Iowa, at 28, I applied to grad school at Yale. I figured I ought to at least try, because if I actually got in, how cool would that be?

I graduated from Yale at 30. I had loans to repay, and I couldn't be a production assistant again even if I'd wanted to. No regrets.

I got a job as a research manager at A+E Networks and helped launch The History Channel. It was interesting, but I felt nothing like Woody Allen. Does anyone really grow up wanting to be Sumner Redstone?

Digital media seemed like a good way to claw back some creativity in my life, and I sensed it was the future. So I left network television to go to a digital start-up. It failed.

I went to other media companies, other start-ups. All have been interesting. Most have paid the bills. None have made me feel like Steven Spielberg.

But I continued to write, and when I became a father, my interest turned back to people like Jim Henson and Dr. Seuss.

I wrote a children's manuscript. I shopped it around. And around. And around. An editor said, "Do you have anything else?" I wrote something else. The editor liked it. It became a book. I got an agent. I wrote more manuscripts. More became books. 

I have seven books now. #8 is coming in a few months. #9, #10, and #11 are coming in 2021, and all three are Dr. Seuss-branded. That's about the coolest thing that's ever happened to me, aside from the love of the humans in my life.

Anyone who is completely happy with their life probably isn't trying hard enough. Very few people actually become princesses, or superheroes, or famous writers or directors. Frankly, I haven't met a lot of people who still say they want to be Chevy Chase, let alone Woody Allen. 

At the end of the day, the thing I'm most proud of is being a husband and a father. I never thought too much about those things growing up. But life is short, and so much of it is veneer, and if you don't focus on the truly important things you're going to find yourself old and alone, and you've really missed the essence of what being a human being is all about.

But beyond that, I'm proud of being a children's author. Even if I never get rich doing it (hint: unlikely), I feel like I clawed and clawed and clawed my way back to something I envisioned for myself in my youth, which is being paid to be creative. And I don't mean creative like being a copywriter for Marlboro. I mean creative like I write something, and it's published, and it has my name on the cover.

I feel a secret glee every day knowing that I write children's books. I feel kinda like Dr. Seuss and I both go to the same dry cleaners.