Friday, January 2, 2009

ABC exec's phone conversation, 12/30/08

(Picking up phone)
Dick! Happy holidays!

Avoiding you? You didn't get my messages? No, I've been trying to reach you all week, buddy.

Noo--no, no,no. Well, apparently our communication lines got crossed. What would New Year's Eve be without Dick Clark, right?

Uh-huh--and that's exactly why it's called "Dick Clark's Rockin' New Year's Eve."

Well, not exactly, Dick. See, as we discussed with your agent, it's best if we simply flash your likeness at the top of the show and coming into and out of the breaks. So you don't have to get out in the nasty weather this year, Dick. It's gonna be--

No, okay, okay. I hear you, big guy. Uh-huh. Okay, so how about this? 10:30pm--Ryan interviews Lionel Ritchie about the first time he appeared on American Bandstand. And we show some clips of you. You know, Dick Clark in his prime. The good old--

Wha--? Dick. No--it has nothing to do with the stroke. Dick? Dick? No, you don't need to recite the opening to the $25,000 Pyramid. I know you can still speak just fine. We all know that. It's just that--

Yes, you still got it, baby. You still got it. Okay, on camera. Great idea, Dick. Picture this: Ryan rings in the New Year. Ball drops. Confetti. Celebration. Then, right after the 12:20 commercial break, we come back and we've got a brief shot of you waving to the camera, to all of America, and we do a little chyron under you. What do you think of this? "Dick Clark, the Original American Idol." And then you wave, and 3-2-1, we're back to Seacrest.

Well, the thing is, Dick, before midnight everyone is, you know, it's a younger feel, people are looking forward, and it wouldn't be fair to Ryan to--

No, Dick, ha-ha, I won't tell him that, but that's very funny. Yes, I get it--his one-day beard would chap it all right. But, seriously--

Uh-huh, but--

I agree, Dick, there's no need to--

Dick, you're absolutely an inspiration to others, I'm not disagreeing with--

(Screaming can be heard on the other end of the phone)

Yes, Dick, I'm repeating after you: for a full hour leading up to midnight. Got it. Wouldn't have it any other way, Dick. See you tomorrow night, buddy. The car will be there at 8.

(Hangs up, presses button)

Bob? Dick Clark is in. Yeah, sorry. No, we won't tell the sponsors. We'll just have to give them some extra spots in "Ugly Betty" next week.

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