If Samuel had inherited the worst traits of his father he would be a rebellious, insecure, self-absorbed loser.
Fortunately, he invented time travel, which allowed him to go back in time and convince Jennifer to break up with Charlie Sheen and marry me instead.
The result? A wonderful boy with a big heart to match his big brown eyes.
Happy birthday, my sweetheart. There is nothing better in the whole world than being your dad.