Saturday, February 7, 2009


Jennifer and I were reading about the single mom who just had octuplets. That was in addition to the 6 kids she already has., I'm not great at math, but that makes something like 13 or 14 kids.

Jennifer asked me if I'd really be happy with 14 kids. I said, "Of course not, sweetheart. Don't be crazy. I'd be perfectly happy with 9 or 10."

I would be perfectly happy with 14 if I didn't have to hold down 7 full-time jobs to feed, clothe, house, and educate them.

We'd have to move to a big barn in rural Kentucky. And we probably wouldn't get to do a lot of weekend trips to Great Wolf Lodge, let alone longer and more exotic vacations. (I don't think there is a Great Wolf Lodge in rural Kentucky, but whatever the local equivalent is--Coal Mine World, maybe.)

It probably would be hard to get good sushi down there, unless it's catfish. All of our kids' friends would be named Joe Bob, and they'd always be giving us Bible pamphlets whenever they came over for playdates.

But when I say I'd be happy with 14 kids, I'm answering it as a theoretical question.

Yes, I'd like a lot of kids. And 5 dogs. And we'd live in an 8-bedroom penthouse at the Beresford, and I'd work 2 hours a day, from home, in my underwear. And the kids would all go to private school. And we'd have a nanny and a housekeeper. And a big country home--I don't know, maybe in Tahiti--where all the kids could run around on weekends.

That's all I'm saying. Okay?

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