Sunday, February 8, 2009

"A-Todd" Tested Positive for Performance-Enhancing Chocolate


According to Sports Illustrated, digital media guru and ex-amateur athlete Todd Tarpley tested positive for performance-enhancing chocolate in 2007. Tarpley, then an interactive GM at Doubledown Media, reportedly consumed an assortment of candy bars during his tenure there, most notably Milky Ways but also including Reeses cups, Snickers, and Twix bars.

"If you look at photos of him in 2001, and in 2007, you'll see a remarkable difference," said Sports Illustrated senior editor Mark Johnson. "His pecs and biceps are noticeably larger, and his abs are more cut. He looks like he's getting younger, like in that Brad Pitt movie."

"I once saw him drink an entire Mr. Softee black-and-white milkshake in about 30 seconds," said a former colleague, who requested anonymity. "Then he said, 'Man, that's living,' patted his abs, and proceeded to do 24 pull-ups."

Tarpley made the following statement through his agent, Scott Boras:

"There will always be rumors swirling around Mr. Tarpley simply because it's difficult to fathom that a middle-aged man can still look as good as he does. But let me reiterate that my client has never knowingly consumed any cocoa-containing substances. His physical superiority is strictly the result of hard work, a good diet, and steroids."

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