How to eat 3 donuts without even trying

1. Come home from work and see the box of donuts that your spouse has purchased and left in plain sight.

2. Look at them and think, "Ooh, I'll have a little bite before dinner." Eat half a chocolate donut.

3. Come back in the kitchen a couple minutes later--dinner's not quite ready--and nibble another quarter. Decide to save the other quarter for after dinner.

4. After dinner, decide to have HALF a donut for dessert, calculating (correctly) that eating only a quarter donut will only make you hungrier. Eat half of a new one, leaving the remaining quarter of the first one.

5. Immediately eat the remaining quarter of the original donut, because it's practically a crumb, and, you know, why not?

6. Think, "Man. Those chocolate donuts are GOOD. Why doesn't Jennifer buy them more often?"

7. Figure that no one else will really want to eat the half of the second donut that you've left. It's like leaving half a slice of pizza. Eat that too.

8. Figure, "What the heck, life is short" and scarf down the third one really fast.

9. As you're popping the last bite into your mouth, realize that you should've given your youngest son one little bite so that when your spouse says, "Hey, who ate all the chocolate donuts?" you could've said, "Me and Ethan" and not be lying. Darn.

10. Feel a little guilty and hope your spouse doesn't read your blog.