Saturday, April 14, 2012
An open letter to my left calf
Dear Left Calf Muscle,
I hate to call you out in public like this, but you leave me no choice. I've had many, many private conversations with you, to no avail.
We've been through a lot together. We go way back. Remember the old days? The glory days? Man, we were running 5-minute miles, we were leading the Iowa team in sprints up Wrestler's Hill, we were cutting massive water weight for big tournaments. And you, Left Calf Muscle, rarely cramped up, you recovered quickly, you were everything a person could ask for in a calf. Godspeed, sir.
But, to be blunt, you're not pulling your weight lately. Yeah, I know, we're not spring chickens anymore. Yeah, I know, we can both point fingers at the Knee Joints, and the Right Hamstring, and the Achilles Heels. And I know the extra 5 pounds I've been carrying around since 2008 haven't made it any easier on you. But this is about you.
So here's the deal. I'll promise to stretch you more, and give you occasional ice packs and massages. No more 6-minute miles (unless you feel up to it). We'll even try to do a little more light walking during the day, just to keep the blood flowing and the weight down. And did I mention all the ibuprofen you can eat? I mean it.
And in return? You stop cramping up all the time. A little soreness after a run? No problem. We'll even give you a couple days' rest between runs (unless it's a really sunny day). But, dude, no more 2-week breaks. Seriously. No more acting up on dinky jogs. And no more pulling simply to get my attention while we're walking up subway stairs. That makes me feel like an old man, and we both know that's a ludicrous notion.
Are we clear?