Friday, July 20, 2012

I hate suits

I don't like clothes in general, but I particularly dislike suits.

When I was younger I thought it was cool to wear a suit. I graduated from business school and got a job as a Manager and wore a suit. Wow. Suits are cool. They convey authority.

Then I became a Director and still wore a suit but stopped wearing a tie. Suits convey authority, but ties are for nerds.

Then I became a VP and started keeping a suit jacket in my office in case of a meeting with clients or the CEO, but otherwise never wearing a suit, and wearing sneakers to and from work, and jeans on Fridays. Suits are for social climbers and old people. If you have to wear a suit to prove how important you are, you're not important.

Maybe that's why I've had trouble holding a job since then, I don't know.

I should've founded Facebook or Google, then I could just wear jeans and a t-shirt every day. Actually, I could just walk around in my underwear, because I wouldn't still be working.

Now I hate suits because I've gained five pounds since I last bought one several years ago. That coincided with the start of the "Mad Men" fashion trend, which is a tight, skinny, '60s style. I don't know what kind of style I am, but that's not it. So now on the rare occasions I have to wear a suit, it's like cinching up in a straightjacket, and I look like William Shatner at a Star Trek convention.

Yesterday I wore a suit for a meeting, and the VP of Sales said, "Hey, you clean up pretty good." Meaning, "I didn't know you owned a suit." still beats going to work in a polyester Dominos pizza uniform, so this is the last time I'm going to complain about it.

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