Okay, stay with me.First, I charter a helicopter tour of the Hamptons, and get Christie on board. Then, when it "mysteriously" crashes off the coast of East Quogue, Chrsitie and I become soulmates, bound by our desire to live life to the fullest.
Disguised as a narcissistic architect/real estate developer/musician with a sex/debt/drinking problem, I woo her into a quick marriage. The wedding takes place at the top of a waterpark slide at midnight, with candles placed around the entire park. Our kids drop flower petals on us as we tube to the bottom in lip-locked embrace.
Then, two years into the marriage--BAM. She discovers that I've secretly adopted over a dozen blonde-haired toddlers, whom I've been hiding in the guest wing of our Hamptons home. She is tipped off when she discovers 9 Ralph Lauren sailboat-print dresses in the online shopping cart of my laptop.
Furious, she files for divorce. I walk away with $2 million, and I probably get to keep most of the kids too.
Furious, she files for divorce. I walk away with $2 million, and I probably get to keep most of the kids too.
Jennifer and Samuel and Ethan, meanwhile, have been waiting patiently for me. We have a big dinner at EJ's, then pay off all our debts and retire to a mobile home park in Arkansas.
High-five. Woo!
What?! This is quite surprising, Todd. Well, your kids are your greatest investment, anyway. You have good and lovely kids right there. Make sure to invest in them a lot before you retire. Good luck!
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