While the rest of the world grapples with the Greek economic crisis, which terrorist group currently controls the Middle East, and the future of the Miss Universe pageant, it's left to me to address more urgent questions like:
- Have we been to a water park yet this summer?
- Do we still like to go Six Flags Hurricane Harbor?
- Do they still have that stupid Welch's Grape Fruit Snacks logo plastered all over their wave pool?
- Who is the girl on the left in that photo and what happened to Ethan? Did he do a Caitlyn Jenner thing?
- How does Six Flags Hurricane Harbor reflect the broader state of American culture, and how does that make me feel?
- Yes. We finally managed to visit a water park this summer.
- Yes. We have season passes to Six Flags this year. Last year it was Camelbeach, and we Tarpleys like variety.
- Yes. They've added two more, as if Welch's said, "You know, the outdoor sponsorship isn't working for us," and the VP Biz Dev at Six Flags said, "Wait--we'll throw in more giant logos!"
- That's Elyse, who filled in for Ethan, who now hates water parks due to over-exposure as a child.
- I'd say it's a pretty good representation of American culture. Unlike in Greece, my credit card worked. Unlike in the Middle East, nobody got blown up for wearing a bikini. I can live with a few Welch's logos.