Thursday, July 16, 2015

Trump is what??

I was surprised to learn today that Donald Trump is running second in the field of Republican presidential nominees. Partisan politics aside, I assumed everyone else in America also considered him a--what's the term? Bombastic doofus.

Apparently I've spent too much time in my Upper West Side cocoon.

A look at the entire field:

#1 Bush (17%): Name makes juvenile males laugh.

#2 Trump (10.8%): Played Biff in "Back to the Future" trilogy.

#3 Walker (9.4%): Named after a geriatric device.

#4 Rubio (7.8%): The offspring of Rubik's Cube and Polio.

#5 Carson (7.6%): He was a neurosurgeon, so becoming President was a natural next...wait...what?

#6 Huckabee (6.8%): Dim-witted but beloved farmhand on Green Acres.

#7 Paul (6.6%): Former Beatle.

#8 Cruz (5.2%): Only candidate that gives Trump a run for his money as world's biggest windbag.

#9 Christie (2.8%): Oops, I take back what I said about Cruz. Bonus: has girl's name.

#10 Perry (2.8%): Former lead singer of Journey.

#11 Santorum (1.8%): If presidential bid doesn't work out, can start really cool heavy-metal band.

#12 Fiorina (1.6%): Failed CEO, followed by failed Senate candidate. Going for the Triple Crown.

#13 Jindal (1.4%): Played Kenneth the page in Bollywood production of "30 Rock."

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